I don't know what's going on in my life now. 

Where's the laughter, where's the faith. I hate holidays. I know it should be the time of our lives when we get to enjoy shit. But no. I feel so lifeless. I don't want people to think that this had got anything to do with you. Nope, it hadn't. Maybe partly, but fading. Holidays always occur to me when people travel around the world, enjoying fun and laughter with the family and friends. Not me. I don't do that. Not even with the family. No matter how much I want to spend family time with the Mom, there's just other things that come into the way. My Dad. So... Enjoying isn't the word for my family. Friends, yes. We do spend some time together. But coming back to reality, everyone else have their own life. Nobody's gna be there whenever you want them to be. 

People change. Just have to understand that people can change. For the good or for the worst. Some changes might be just surfaced and temporary. But you got to believe that people can change. And I truly believe that. I feel that if changes are made to make yourself a better person, it really does can be done. I mean, if you truly cherish the other people around you that will be affected positively one way or another because of your changes, then why not. Like, people change if they find out that they dislike someone, they will change their attitude towards this person and start to stray away from them. People also change in order to make things work out because they believe that this change will make a difference and they cherish/love whoever they are changing for. This is sort of what I believe. 

Just some random thoughts at night. I don't know whether it is still bothering me or not. Probably not that much anymore. Somehow, I just felt that, I didn't do the things that I should have done in the past. If it really make a difference. I don't think I'm good enough in that sense I guess. I should have learn to cherish by actions, should have make you feel that, I truly cherish and appreciate you. I think I say it more than I do it, and that doesn't really prove anything when I don't do it.

Haha. Kinda funny, how I reflect upon myself for the first time. Sometimes I feel that...what's the point man. Ohwelllllz.